The revelation that pollution from microplastics is worse in Italy’s Lago Maggiore, America’s Lake Tahoe or even Germany’s pristine Lake Stechelin than in the Great Garbage Patch of the Pacific may come as a shock to those who follow the extensive – and expensive – scientific efforts toward an ocean cleanup. 

Without any obvious source, water ecologists pondered how traces of polyester, polyethylene, and polypropylene could find their way into a deeply backwoods Brandenburg Lake with water touted as drinking quality.

There is only one answer, says Hans-Peter Grossart, a professor at the Leibniz Institute of Freshwater Ecology and Inland Fisheries in Berlin. The fibres are shed from the swimsuits of bathers. 

A new ecological problem to lose sleep over? Ban swimming or swimsuits? Germany or EU?

As scientists and politicians famously take too long to come up with good remedies, there may be an alternative one-size-suits-all fix that requires no special equipment, and the only cost is nerve.

End the never-ending debate over topless bathing the 1970s feminist movement was supposed to liberate us from. Ladies – and gentlemen, too? Shed that plastic shell (not into the water, of course), bathe in your birthday suit and save the planet.

While it’s doubtful that the Freikörperkultur (FKK) dating back to the Kaiser’s day – whose mantra is that being “naked in air” is good for one’s health – knew anything about microplastic it was obviously ahead of its time.

But what about the health of the plastic swimsuit economy? No worries, elastic fibre will still be in demand for sunbathing, or parading one’s bodily charms discreetly on any beach not designated as FKK, and surely, beauty pageant contestants will never be judged top- or bottomless!

There’s also the hope that the swimwear industry may find a way to keep fibres from drizzling out of its collections, a problem the cosmetics industry is already working on.