Never again will we say anything against the EU bureaucracy. Because we owe the pleasure of reading the most beautiful comments to our brave civil servants from Brussels and Strasbourg. Recently, we came across the following communication, as displayed on the official journal of the European Union, concerning the classification of “certain goods in the Combined Nomenclature”: “A flexible article (so-called pool noodle) made of cellular plastics (plastic foam) in the shape of a hollow tube of a length of approximately 1 m and a diameter of approximately 8 cm. The article floats on water and is presented to be used as a buoyancy aid, complying with a European standard for buoyancy aids for swimming instruction (EN 13138-2:2014). The article is also shock-absorbent and thermally insulating.”

The document goes on to say, “Classification under heading 9506 as articles and equipment for general physical exercise, gymnastics, athletics, other sports or outdoor games is excluded, because due to its simple, common shape the article cannot be identified as an article designed for physical exercise or sports of heading 9506, although due to its floating abilities the article complies with the standard for buoyancy aids for swimming instructions. Moreover, due to its simple shape and common material, the article could be used for various purposes (for example, as shock absorbing protective products that are wrapped around poles, thermal insulation products that are wrapped around pipes, products for the amusement of kids). Likewise, classification under heading 9503 as other toys is excluded, because the article cannot clearly be identified as an article for the amusement of kids or adults given its design. Consequently, the article is to be classified according to its constituent material (plastics). The article is therefore to be classified under CN code 3926 90 97 as other articles of plastics.”

You couldn’t have put it better, EU. You couldn’t possibly have put it better.